Not jay-walkers but 'M'walkers

Guys walking carelessly on the roads, busy fiddling with their mobiles oblivious to the whole world outside — a common sight on city roads and something which irritates me so much that often I secretly wish that such guys get run over by a speeding vehicle. Just desserts!

Today I turned over a new leaf, yes, you read right, I turned over a new leaf and decided that I would not wish ill for these careless people but look at the positive side of their stupid actions. You may wonder what are the positives when a guy walks in the road totally focused on the smartphone in his hand. Here are a few positives:

1) He is so focused on his smartphone that he does not ogle at girls, whistles at them or indulges in any form of eve-teasing.

2) So immersed he is in his phone that he does not stop at the nearby pan shop to savour a pan, pan masala or smoke a cigarette.

3) When two neighbours come up on the road with each engrossed in his own smartphone, they do not even look up and see each other thereby avoiding idle talk, gossiping or back-biting.

4) Above all, their body language is one of humility and respect to others. They never walk with their head high in the air, but with bowed heads signifying respect to the world at large.

Next time you feel like whacking one of these jay-walkers, think of the positives of their actions. It will help reduce your blood-pressure

Do not politicize child-rapes

Given the plethora of child- rape cases coming up in the media in recent times, the Government has been forced to act. The ordinance providing death sentence to rapists of children has been introduced. Arguably the most heinous of crimes, rape of an innocent child is something so very sickening and an act any human being will find difficult to digest.

Then who are these rapists who go after children? They are not humans but sick beasts. Yes, I strongly believe this is a mental sickness which these rapists have which makes them act the way they do. When we read that many of these child rapists are close relatives, it strengthens my belief that they are mentally sick, suffer from some massive inferiority complex, not respected by their families or sexually frustrated and people who want to assert their strength and superiority (??) on someone weak.

I would think, the solution would lie in a fast Court which dispenses justice quickly followed by immediate castration of these rapists and then locking them away in mental asylums for life. Yes, in cases where they have killed the victim, indeed they should face capital punishment.

Having said that, any punishment is intended to act as a deterrent to crime and for this, two aspects are vital 1) Severity of the punishment 2) Certainty of the punishment . While focus is on (1), guess it is (2) which needs to be ensured.Given the fact that close relatives often commit these crimes, wonder if certainty of punishment would be ensured by the families.

This is a social issue, let us not politicise it. These crimes would have happened in the past too, at least now they are brought to the attention of the general public. Let us save the children of our nation.

IPL -- Behind the scenes

New Delhi: 25th April 2018

Kiran Kumar Grandhi, the GMR Boss called Ricky Ponting to his chambers and “Look Ricky, said things are going nowhere with the Daredevils. I have discussed with my partners and the feeling is, as in football, the coach should take responsibility and ....... ( silent pause). 

“ Mate, that’s football, this is cricket! Remember what I did when things were not going well for Mumbai Indians in the past. I resigned from the captaincy and also dropped myself from the team”, howled Ponting desperately.

“ You have a point Ricky, send Gautam inside”, said the Boss. A relieved Ponting ran out and informed Gautam Gambhir.

Gautam walked in, his face morose as always. Boss  "Let me come to the point straight. How would you rate yourself as captain and batsman”? ( Being appraisal season, Boss was in the same mood) said 

Gautam mumbled : “Sir, I would rate my performance Average.”

“ Average my foot, have you analysed your batting average?One solitary win as captain, that too against third-rate Mumbai Indians” bellowed the Boss. He summoned his HR Head inside and asked whether there was any notice period in Gautam’s contract. Sensing the Boss’ mood, HR even without verifying, emphatically said No.

Gambhir became even more morose and whispered “ I will resign”. “ Good”, said the Boss, but issue a statement that this was your own decision and there was no pressure from the franchise. Gambhir came out and announced his resignation.

Mumbai: 25th April 2018

Nita Ambani was having a performance review with Rohit Sharma. “ Heard Gautam resigned as captain”, said Nita.

“ Madam, he had to, with such a poor performance as batsman and captain”

“ Look who’s talking”, said Nita Ambani, raising her shaped eyebrows. “ But madam, all matches we lost were close finishes, we could well have won”, pleaded Rohit Sharma, the MI captain..

“ Listen Rohit, getting close is not enough, you are nowhere near your goals and I don’t see any effort to improve. Your stance is wrong, your bat-swing is not good enough and your field placements and bowling changes, just plain lousy”, cooed Nita but with steel in her voice. “ I am putting you on a Performance Improvement Plan for the next two matches and if I do not see results, well....... you have to do a Gambhir. You may leave now”.

A fuming Rohit comes out swearing” What does this female know about cricket ?” & dials Virat Kohli.

“ Virat listen, I understand this time mid-term transfers are possible. Meri CEO bahut pareshan karti hai. Tere yahaan kuch vacancy hai kya?”

Kohli replied “ Rohit, you would have seen me as captain of India and of RCB. When I lead India, you can see the fire, passion & enthusiasm in my body-language arising out of playing for national pride. Here while playing for RCB, I’m always confused about what my bosses will say if I make a bowling change or field set-up or even if I ask for a change in gloves while batting. You would have seen me on TV these days. As for vacancy, let me check with HR. Are you willing to take a pay-cut?”

That, ladies and gentlemen is franchise cricket or IPL for you!