Only Rakhi can do it

Indian judiciary is known for its inordinate delays, a wee bit of corruption,political interference, miscarriage of justice, et al. What is the remedy? RAKHI SAWANT. Yes, the same Rakhi of Mika-kiss fame ( or is it shame?), the same Rakhi who conducted a swayamvar on television and chose Elesh,an NRI, only to dump him unceremoniously later.

Now Rakhi is in a new avatar, doling out justice almost instantaneously on television.Shame on you, you legal luminaries with your fancy degrees & experience, can you do a Rakhi?

Last night as I sat before the idiot-box, involuntarily practicing neck exercises, as I was being slowly embraced by sleep, there were sudden shouts of "Rakhi, Rakhi" which made me jump. In my half drowsy state, I couldn't make out if we had been hit by a tsunami or invaded by aliens.When my eyes swam back to focus,I saw Rakhi Sawant on screen, in a low-cut dress waving to a paid studio audience, talking about rendering justice from the heart, IPC be damned !

There was this lady on this show who claimed to be a small-time actress, but looked to be from some other 'profession'. She was accusing a man who surely looked an 'intermediary' of propositioning her in the name of getting her a film role. She was seeking justice in Rakhi's Court. Innocent girl that she is, Rakhi appeared shocked that such a thing could happen.She questioned both of them and also a third character who looked like a small-time drug-peddler.

I was wide awake by now watching the drama unfold. It appeared to be a big joke and since I love comedies,I continued watching. Suddenly there was a twist in the tale and it became an Action show. Professional lady started screaming and got up to slap the Intermediary who landed a couple of slaps on her and both let loose a volley of abuses ( thankfully expunged ). The Security on the set had to be called in and they separated the two, in the way a referee does in a wrestling match.Rakhi for once appeared flummoxed, but not for long. She shouted 'khamosh' and then went on to tick-off Mr.Drug-peddler for staring at her cleavage. You see, a judge has to be transparent but that does not mean people can commit contempt of Court. A chastened Mr.Drug-peddler reluctantly looked the other way.

More action was to follow--another character entered, she also appeared to be from the same 'profession' as the earlier lady. She too accused the Intermediary of propositioning. Heat was generated and this lady flung her shoes at Mr.Intermediary and he also hurled something in return apart from the full-throated abuses exchanged at which generations from both sides would have cringed in their graves(thankfully the abuses were punched out). Time for the security guards to re-enter and literally drag Mr.Intermediary out of the set. It was becoming a bit predictable and repetitive.

Possibly Rakhi thought so too. She asked a couple of the audience members their views and then pronounced her judgment. She felt both the ladies were not doing this as a publicity stunt. She warned Mr.Drug-peddler that he should stick to his job ( art direction?)and not involve himself in 'setting up' people. Finally, she sternly advised Mr.Intermediary to turn over a new leaf or risk not even getting a place in hell (as though she was a tour operator offering tours to Hell).

I was dumbfounded by the entire show. Really what does the channel Imagine find in RakhiSawant? Answer was there right in front of me.My daughter who had watched the show closely was translating some of the dialogues in Hindi to my wife who despite not being fluent in Hindi had watched the programme closely.

Rakhi, jai ho!

Pakistan and IPL 3

The IPL( Indian Premier League) is now jocularly called India Pakistan Ladaai.
Thrills, spills & action have started in IPL 3 much before the first ball is even bowled.
It started with the Auction where where many Pakistani players were up for sale but none was bid for leave alone bought by any of the franchisees. This after the Government had approved participation of Pakistani players in the IPL and cleared their visa requirements.
So who were the main protagonists? The rich franchisees or the Pakistani star cricketers?
NEITHER.
What did the various 'lead artistes' say?

LALIT MODI: We have not indicated to any of the franchisees not to pick Pakistani players,neither has the Government.
P.CHIDAMBARAM: The Government has not put out any condition that Pakistani players are not to be bid for in the IPL.
The Franchisees: No, we have not been told directly or indirectly not to pick Pakistani players, it is our joint decision.
Does it look that everyone is in sync and there is no issue at all?
Read on what others had to say....
BALASAHEB THACKERAY: We will not allow Pakistani or Australian players to participate in the IPL matches in Mumbai.
SHAHRUKH KHAN: I am saddened that no Pakistani palyer has been picked by the IPL teams.
Pakistani cricketers: This snub by the IPL is an insult to our country
PAKISTAN CRICKET BOARD: We will not issue NOC to any of our players to play in the IPL even if selected now.

What could have transpired behind the scenes?
The Government must have informed the IPL that they cannot ensure security at all the venues if Pakistani players were included. This could well have been security of the players in question as also uninterrupted games at all venues.
This message in turn must have gone down from the IPL Commissioner to the franchisees.

The franchisees being shrewd businessmen first and sports enthusiasts later must have read between the lines.. If matches had to be cancelled or the selected Pakistani players being forced to go back or not allowed to play, their thousands and millions of dollars would have vanished into thin air. So, all of them played safe and gave Pakistani players the royal ignore.

When the Pakistani players started crying foul and it threatened to become a diplomatic issue, both the Government of India and the IPL came out proclaiming their neutral stand and they were not to be blamed for this.

Alas! It was the franchisees who were made out to be the villains. It is business first and it defies all logic why the franchisees should not take decisions in the larger interest of their business,politics be damned!

The Kolkata Knight Riders franchisee, Shahrukh Khan displayed that he suffers from 'foot-in-the mouth' disease. A statement that he was disappointed that none of the Pakistani players had been picked ( after his team had also ignored them) was in bad taste. He however offered an olive branch by indicating that Abdul Razzaq would be picked by the Knight Riders. Now it was the turn of the Pakistan Cricket Board which said it would not grant NOC to any of its players to particiapte in the IPL.

COMMENTS:

• The IPL is big, big business. Can any of the franchisees afford to recruit Pakistani players and tomorrow, forget the Shiv Sena, if a 26/11 type of event recurs ( God forbid) and the players have to be sent back, what happens to the huge money invetsed on them?
• What is conveniently forgotten is that no NEW Australian player too had been recruited. The exception was Damien Martyn selected by the Rajasthan Royals but then he had plied his trade in India earlier with the ICL. New players like Brad Haddin, Phil Hughes and Jason Krezja did not attract any bidders. here too, the franchisees were playing safe, given the attacks on Indians in Australia and a possible diplomatic backlash. Pakistanis were not exceptions.
• See no reason why Pakistani players and the Board should see this as an affront or an insult. These are professional players who need work permits to work(play) in India. Is it easy for any Indian professional to get a work permit to work in Pakistan or even a visa to visit ? This being the case, why raise a hue and cry now? If an average wage-earner of Indian origin is not given a permit to work in Pakistan, why should India allow these billionaire Pakistani cricketers?
• Last but certainly not the least, from IPL 1, how many stellar performances from the Pakistani cricketers does one remember? Save for the consistency of Sohail Tanveer for the Royals and to a certain extent Umar Gul and Mohammed Asif, the performance from the rest was nothing to crow about. Shahid Afridi, who is making the loudest nosies about not being picked was one of the biggest failures for the Chargers in IPL1. Shut up Shahid!